who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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