Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
