She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
