My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize