the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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