The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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