...so i touched it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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