Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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