I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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