people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
