can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
