dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
