I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
