a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
