Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
