she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
