: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
