hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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