Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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