YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
