You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
