im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize