That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Randomize
