tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
