Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
