Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize