I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ttyl tear gas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize