god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize