imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
