she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
