Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
