and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How's work?
Spinning.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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