mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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