Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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