someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
