if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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