he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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