Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
