I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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