i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
