Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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