im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
