Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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