Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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