I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
