"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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