we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
