You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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