mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
