He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize