could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
