he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
