That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
