First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
