I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
