i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
