Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
