One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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