I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
