Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shame - the story of my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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