I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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