There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
