Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
