don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
