My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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