be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this will be a night to untag.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize