Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
