my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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