found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
